The Pig Has Flown Away....

I found that living in a semi-house-arrest situation wasn't too bad. This I took to be a compliment to either my parents' house and the comfort it affords me and to my many little fads over the years that I turn to in order to amuse myself. The swine flu episode was frightening, certainly for the first day or so but as the days wore one it became apparent the I was just suffering (and I was unwell) from a virus of some sort and not at deaf's door. Pardon?

It's been a while since I writted on here and there have been a number of events and things that have given me something to Stop and Think about, namely how my behaviour gives me problems and how I can negate these personality problems by thinking slightly or greatly different. The big thing has been that I have now been told I have SIX Personality Disorders. My time at the lovely Rampton gave me something of a very basic awareness of the condition(s) but this only served to give some hyperbole and inflation to the seriousness of the problems I grapple with on a daily basis. The "treatment" is a committment to an eighteen month group therapy course called "Stop And Think". I won't bore you with the process, but the idea is the have a particular issue that is causing difficulties and anxiety and other things. Then after working out some solutions that are available to you, from other members of the group, so things are suggested that you might not otherwise have occurred. Finally, there are a number of these options that you can try, as a practical exercise. So far, I've had one opportunity to try out this process with the group, all working together to come up with a plan for me. I have to say that I was a tad sceptical about these Americanish ideas of treatment but I have gained some little insights and ideas that have actually work. The key now is to apply this process to other problems that cause me a great deal of difficulties both mentally and physically.

One by-product of these sessions is a friendship that I've been able to strike up with one of the group. Somebody with compassion, understanding and from whom there is another avenue of support. This goes both ways, indeed it has to in order to comply with my inner-committee that decides almost everything. I've had dependent relationships (where I was the dependee, so to speak) and it isn't healthy or good for either party and I understand that for me to be "ok" with this situation I must make sure that the friendship is equal.

Just prior to the piggy flu episode, I suffered quite a severe dip in my mental state. It began without warning, suddenly pouncing upon my unguarded mind. I surrendered to it, and it was quite a frightening situation. My lovely lady friend has taught me that things such as these are always just a phase and that these phases will pass. It passed suddenly. I cannot find anything in my life that caused the dip, it was chemical. This served as a reminder that I'm not going to get rid of mental illness but the new insight I have learned is that I can do simple things that will make my life easier. It's empowering and gives me some hope that I can find some control.

With that, I will cease this drivel and go to bedfordshire;o)